What Animal Are You?
by Heavensdarkrosechild
Summary: Jane is matching personalities of the team to animals.
1. Pondering

For once Jane was actually sitting at his desk and clicking away at his computer. The team wasn't so delusional to think that he was sitting there actually doing work. They wondered how their boss would react when she came back from her meeting with Minelli. It was highly likely that their consultant was playing solitaire just to piss Lisbon off.

They wouldn't be half wrong. Jane wasn't doing work but neither was he playing solitaire. He was in fact, looking up animal personality types. He was trying to determine what type of animal each of the team members, specifically Lisbon, would be analogous to.

It was a thought he had entertained the other day while staring at Lisbon. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately, staring at Lisbon…not entertaining certain thoughts about her.

He had been absorbed in her facial features and came to the realization that she looked very much like a cat. The high cheekbones, gleaming green eyes, and the dark almost black hair created a similar look to that of a feline. She certainly had some of the feline personality traits though not quite enough of them to satisfy his musings.

Lisbon had the ability of the feline species to stare without blinking for long periods of time and glare with disturbing malice. She also had the tendency to strike and appear without warning. But that wasn't enough, she didn't quite fit into the feline personality category. So what kind of animal was Lisbon?

The question had nagged at him all day and this morning he had decided to do a little research…

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Hi! So this is my first Mentalist fic! I searched to see if anyone else had done this and I couldn't find anything so I decided to do one! Hope you like it and please review to let me know if its too out of character, etc.

Should I continue?!?!?!


	2. Dear or Deer

As much as Jane wished to solve the conundrum that was Lisbon's animal "totem" he decided to begin with her team members, specifically Van Pelt.

He was staring at Van Pelt when Lisbon came out of her office with _that _face.

Jane jumped up from his desk and grinned.

"We've got-" began Lisbon

"a case" Jane finished

Lisbon just scowled. She didn't know what was wrong with Jane. He was being extra annoying and irksome this morning. He seemed extra resolute to crawl beneath her skin and drive her insane then again that was always his goal.

"Cho, Rigsby, Van Pelt, van. Jane your with me" she snipped and left.

Rigsby turned to Jane, "It's too early for you to be pissin' off the Boss, Jane." he whined.

Jane just grinned and turned to catch up to Lisbon.

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Grace Van Pelt was proving slightly more difficult to identify then he had previously determined. She had attributes of predator and prey. While she practiced the ability to be cut throat like Lisbon and Cho she couldn't quite pull it off. She was very aware of others thoughts and feelings making her more sensitive than the others. With further analysis of Van Pelts personality Jane decided Grace leaned slightly more to the prey spectrum of personalities. Of course, that wasn't to say she wasn't a very capable CBI agent.

Her physical attributes of deep red hair, bright eyes, and tall stature reminded Jane of a wild roan horse he met once. The beast would buck you from its back then eat sugar cubes gently from your hand. But, like Lisbon the physical resemblances didn't quite match the personality. A horse was close but not a perfect match.

That's when he saw it. The deer on the side of the road.

"DEER!" he yelled sitting straight up in the passenger seat.

Lisbon jerked the wheel in shock and almost drove them off the road.

"JANE!" she fumed.

"Deer!" he said excitedly his eyes sparkling

"Yes, Jane. It was a deer. We occasionally pass them on our drives out into the middle of the no where." Lisbon said with sarcasm. She was exasperated, thoroughly irritated, and still a little tense with adrenaline.

He grinned that stupid grin that irritated the living daylights out of Lisbon.

"What?" she snapped

"Nothing"

"Don't nothing me, Jane. I know that look. Did you already figure out who our killer is?" she said rolling her eyes.

"How would I do that? We haven't even gotten there yet."

"You're the psychic...Spill it, Jane" she commanded

"Later" he said with a content smile.

Lisbon sighed it was no use arguing he'd tell when he was ready. Unfortunately ready usually meant when he was sure to get the greatest reaction from those present and those not.

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The team were all sitting at their respective desks. Lisbon was in her office attempting to do paperwork. Van Pelt was finishing up her report on the case they had just solved. Rigsby was attempting to look busy while avoiding doing his work. Cho was, well, done with everything as usual. And Jane, well Jane, was being very un-Jane like for the second time that day. He was sitting at his desk muttering to himself.

Lisbon walked by and stopped to stare at him. For a moment she was concerned but the feeling passed quickly and she continued on her way to the coffee machine rolling her eyes.

"AH HA!" Jane yelled, "I knew it!"

Everyone turned to look at their keyed up consultant.

Lisbon, who was coming back with her coffee, jumped three feet in the air and sloshed coffee on her blouse.

"Jane!" Lisbon roared for the hundredth time that day.

He ignored her and turned to Van Pelt, "You my dear, are a deer."

Rigsby choked on a goldfish he had just popped in his mouth. Van Pelt looked at him thoroughly confused and slightly curious. The only indication that Cho had heard Jane was a very slight, almost nonexistent, upturning of his lips. Lisbon just stood for a moment staring wildly at Jane.

"Van Pelt is a deer?" She said very quietly "A deer as in the animal we passed on the way to the crime scene Jane? The animal you shouted about and almost caused me to run us off the road?!" she said her voice raising slightly with each syllable she spoke. "Have you completely cracked?!"

Jane just shook his head and grinned that infuriating grin.

And with that grin Lisbon was sent over the edge, "Explain NOW!" she said nearly roaring.

"Calm down woman"

The team took duck and cover action as Lisbon opened her mouth to bite off his head. Jane raised his hand cutting her off.

"I was contemplating this morning what type of animals matched every ones personalities. I have come to the conclusion-"

"That Van Pelt is a deer" Lisbon said blandly not impressed, "If anyone needs me I'll be in my office. That offer does not include you Jane. If you need something acquire it yourself." She said as she turned back to her office. Lisbon froze and winced thinking of all the ways he could twist that one innocent sentence and turned back , "On second thought, Jane, go without"

She soundly shut her office door behind her and set about trying to find a clean shirt.

Rigsby turned to Jane, "Why is Van Pelt a deer?" His inquisitive nature couldn't resist "Not to say that you are." he said stumbling over his words as Van Pelt glared at him.

"Yes why am I being referred to as a smelly beast?" Van Pelt questioned.

"Well-" Jane began.

"This ought to be good" Cho said dryly

"It is. Fascinating really." Jane smiled, "Like I said I was contemplating what animals matched specific personalities-"

"Lisbon's to be specific" Cho remarked.

Jane ignored the Asian's comment and continued, "and I was able to determine that Grace's animal personality or totem was a deer."

"Why?" Van Pelt asked now thoroughly interested. She hated to admit it put she loved Jane's little tricks and insights.

"Well in many cultures a deer represents gentleness, kindness, gracefulness, sensitivity, purity of purpose, walking in the light, swiftness, nimbleness, and meekness. You my dear all those things." Jane said and Van Pelt blushed.

"While you are tough you also have an easy gentleness and kindness to you that shines through with your sensitivity to victims and crime scenes. That is not to say you are not tough." he said watching the scowl form on Grace's face, "Did you know that when confronted with an enemy a deer will fight. They have vicious hooves and antlers that are capable of impaling their predators. That's why people are constantly being warned not to feed or approach deer. You are pure in your purpose of being a CBI agent. You believe strongly in walking in the light and strong in religious beliefs. You are quick footed and quick minded." Jane finished with a smile.

"Oh! Do me!" Rigsby interjected eagerly.

Cho snickered and Rigsby blushed.

"I mean what is my totem thingy or whatever?" Rigsby corrected.

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Sooooo? What'd ya thinkitus?!

If you don't review…*ominous noise* the evil mini polar bears will eat you! A warning: they like to play with their food.


	3. Bear and the Mountain Lion

I just want to apologize for the delay. I was trying to get it just right and then midterms got in the way :(

I really hate midterms

Okay here goes…

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Kola bears are nasty little suckers contrary to the belief that they are docile and sweet. Kolas are extremely grumpy with volatile natures. For as much as Rigsby resembled a kola bear he did not have the disposition to match. At the moment he was more like a dog begging for a bone.

"Come on ?" whined Rigsby as they entered the squad room.

Jane just smiled and headed towards the couch.

"You're still on that?" Cho inquired dryly.

Rigsby glared at the offending parties, "Aren't you the least bit interested?"

"Uh. No." Cho said blandly.

Surprisingly Cho was the easiest for Jane to indentify.

"Ah. And there is Cho's Puma nature."

"So Cho is a puma now?" Lisbon said rolling her eyes as she entered the room with Van Pelt, "Let's hear it, Jane. Enlighten us. How is Cho a Puma?" Lisbon mocked.

"Happily" Jane grinned, "Pumas are also known as mountain lions, panthers, or cougars. In some cultures Pumas represent wisdom, balance in leadership and are seen as resourceful, reserved, critical, and secretive."

Rigsby snorted, that was Cho almost to a tee.

Jane continued, turning to address Cho, "You know where your place is and don't bother impressing people, People see you as mysterious because you don't enjoy opening up to others. You like to keep your secrets secret"

"Impressive." Lisbon said he voice tinged with sarcasm and just a small hint of admiration, "We've got a case. Let's head out."

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Rigsby practically growled at the suspect who had made the mistake of threatening Lisbon and Van Pelt.

"Ah! Now see, that right there confirms my earlier interpretation. You Rigsby are a Bear." interrupted Jane.

"Now is not the time, Jane." Lisbon snapped as she kicked the knife from the now subdued suspect's hand. Rigsby roughly cuffed the man and hauled him off the floor.

"You okay, Boss?" Rigsby asked

"I'm fine. Give _him"_ she said jerking her head towards the limp suspect "to patrol and have himtaken in to interrogation…And take Jane with you" she said exasperated with said man's antics.

Jane smiled ignoring Lisbon's jibe, "Like I was saying you're a bear a big giant teddy bear"

Rigsby shoved the suspect into the patrol car and gave the patrol Lisbon's instructions.

"I think I remember a comment similar to that coming out of your mouth once…but a teddy bear isn't an actual animal." Rigsby whined.

"Well if you consider the story behind the origin of the teddy bear. It's an object that represents a black bear so really it is an animal. If you insist I'll shorten the title to bear." Jane teased.

Rigsby readily agreed.

"Culturally Bears are representatives' of cunning, healers, gentle strength, dreaming, intuition married  
with instinct, nurturing, and protectiveness. "

"Let me guess, his little snarl of protectiveness was indicative of his 'bear persona' " Lisbon interrupted coming up behind the two men, "Let's go Jane"

"Aww, Boss" whined a disappointed Rigsby

"You can corner the great shaman later" Lisbon said and rested her hands on her hips.

"Bitter that I haven't given you a persona, Lisbon?"

"No Jane. Bitter that I have to appear before Minelli, once again, because you pulled another one of your stupid stunts."

"Yes, but you're happy we got the guy and you're not really bitter with me about my 'stunt'"

Lisbon didn't deign to reply.

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"So, Rigsby is a bear." Van Pelt said with a smile as Jane entered the room behind a still seething Lisbon, who headed immediately to her office.

"Bears represent big hearts and for all Rigsby likes to pretend he's tough he's very nurturing and protective. Especially of certain people in his life" Jane said eying Van Pelt, "He is stubborn and lazy, only easily persuaded to do something if it benefits him, like food, just like a bear."

This got a smile from the whole team.

"His gentle strength is deceiving and people are shocked to find that he can have a nasty temper much like a bear provoked. The bear also represents dreaming and we all know just how much Rigsby likes to dream" Jane teased.

"What about Lisbon?" Van Pelt asked Jane curiously as Lisbon returned.

"Meh! She is …bitter." Jane responded with a wave of his hand in dismissal.

"I know what Jane is…an Ass" Lisbon responded with a glare in Jane's direction

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I no longer control the mini polar bears…its pigeons this week. They really like to aim and fire for cars and heads, so I suggest you review. Still dying to know what Lisbon is? :)


	4. UndercoverKitty?

It was brought to my attention that Im a total dork and spelled Koala incorrectly lol sorry guys I corrected it in my head and not on the page *blushing*

...You kno it does fuzzy things to me when you guys review :) Such fuzzy fuzzy things *grin* And all of you have done such a wonderful job of it

MULE! …DEER! Lol

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He hated and loved to admit that she was a mystery to him. He could appear to know her inside and out, to know her every move and thought but in truth he truly didn't. She had the ability to surprise him unlike so many of the masses.

This was why he constantly antagonized her, why he prodded and pushed at her buttons, always observing which series of buttons could produce a reaction. He felt like a scientist sometimes.

His antagonizing schemes weren't all about discovery sometimes it was just the joy of burrowing under her skin. But his problem was that she adapted quickly, what worked the day before may not work the next and there were times he treaded a very dangerous line with her. She was a predator through and through and predators don't like being toyed with. Poke the lion with a stick too many times and it will rip off your head.

There was no docile prey in her veins. She had obliterated any trace of it long ago in her youth when she was exposed to the worldly darkness that lay waiting to devour the weak. And so she was a dangerous self-made predator, a predator in almost every sense of the word.

Unfortunately, for others, this predator appeared tame and domesticated. She hid the feral nature that consumed and drove her. A deep dark churning pit lay hidden by a calm calculating exterior that belied her true nature. Only her shining green gold orbs gave any indication of her true nature. They revealed a feral edge that snagged at a person's gaze holding it fast and lent to the multitude of nicknames given to her by the bureau residence. They were beautiful mesmerizing orbs that had the ability to strike a dark cord of fear in suspects while drawing respect and obedience from her team and colleagues.

Her team is her pack, her pride, her family. She is Alpha. There is no dispute or dissent of her power none of her team would ever challenge her authority. Cho is her second in command and one of the rare persons she trusts with her life. He would never leave her. She is more wary of Rigsby but confident in her mentoring. He holds to her work ethics and morals almost clinging to them desperately. He trusts in her to solve trouble that blows their way, relying deeply on her leadership. Van Pelt, the newest cub to the litter, is her responsibility. She is kept busy trying to keep the pure and slightly delusional cub intact mentally and physically while the younger woman is intent on emulating the Alpha female on unbalanced and inexperienced legs.  
As a whole they create a balance that is solid and supportive. Her team lends to her protective nature that is extremely dangerous in predators.

But none of these insights were helping Jane develop a conclusion instead he had created an even more complicated picture. _What was Lisbon_?

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"I don't like this" grumbled Rigsby

"Don't let her hear you say that." teased Jane causing Rigsby to look over his shoulder warily.

"Boss can handle herself just fine" Van Pelt replied calmly as she fiddled with her laptop.

Cho just turned a page in his most current book feeling no need to enter this particular conversation.

"Ahem!" Lisbon cleared her throat and stood in the doorway waiting for her team to acknowledge her presence. She was hoping to not catch them off guard but she failed…miserably.

"Hey Boss-" the rest of Rigsby's comment died a very sudden death as he took in the person standing in the doorway.

The rest of the team scrambled to their feet and were left just as speechless as Rigsby and that included the usually quick minded Jane. All four of them stared at a blushing Lisbon.

She stood pin straight in the doorway wearing an extraordinarily provocative ensemble. Her makeup was done expertly giving her skin a beautiful ethereal glow. Her eyes were done in a cat like Egyptian fashion highlighting her feline looks. Her silken black hair was pulled to one side, her natural waves more stark and edgy. Around her neck lay a thick silver chain that carried a large square emerald colored stone that was nestled between her breasts and encircling her left forearm was a matching silver arm cuff that wound tantalizingly upwards while an emerald stoned silver slave bracelet encircled her right hand.

Lisbon's body was snug in a deep green silk gown that highlighted and darkened her green gold eyes. The gown was a shoulder less V-neck that snapped seamlessly together at the back of her neck and the back of the dress… well, Jane soon discovered that there was no back as Lisbon glided the last few feet into the room. The only material on the back was that which covered her lovely toned back side and was just shy of indecent, covering just to the middle of her lower back dimples. The tight green silk material clung to her body and shimmered as she moved. An erotic design, stitched in black, followed a path around the rim of the V-neck and continued down to her belly button where it condensed then flared out along her hip line. Jane also found that though the dress reached well past her knees to her ankles the slits on both sides well made up for its length by exposing her long smooth legs that were perched precariously on six inch silver sandal heels. The whole ensemble was otherworldly and anciently mythical.

The thought of the otherworldly tugged at Jane's now melted brain. A whisper of coherent thought formed and he whispered almost reverently, "_Aelurus_"

"What was that, Jane?" Lisbon said sharply and for once it was Jane blushing a tinge of pink.

"Nothing" he managed to rasp.

"You're blushing." Cho said stoically.

Lisbon cocked her head and eyed Jane, "You are!" she crowed forgetting her momentary discomfort.

Jane didn't reply he was a little too mesmerized by the shiny clinging dress swaying before his eyes.

Lisbon smirked and turned her attention back to her team, "Is the surveillance equipment ready?"

"Yeah Boss." came Van Pelt's affirmation. She turned her laptop towards Lisbon to reveal a black and white shot of the room, "The camera in the necklace is up and running. I've got it connected to my laptop."

Rigsby stepped forward nervously still in shock, "I've got the audio device right here. Clarence in tech gave me this nifty ear piece that's disguised as an ear cuff. And it's a cute little kitty."

The team looked at him askance. "What?" he said blankly not realizing just how gay that comment sounded coming from his mouth.

"I'd say that was a lion, Rigsby" interjected Jane

"No, a cat" Rigsby argued, "See?" he said holding up the silver cuff.

Jane snatched it from his grasp, "Allow me" he said to Lisbon invading her personal space. He brushed back a stray piece of hair from her ear staring into her gleaming eyes and gently eased the cuff onto the rim of her ear. The cuff was positioned with the cat head seemingly whispering in her ear, in fact, it was in a way doing just that by serving as a com-link between her and the team. Jane caressed the cuff gently sliding his finger across the arch of her ear and down the rim, his finger sliding easily, occasionally brushing bits of smooth flesh. He turned abruptly to Rigsby, "I'd have to say it's an Egyptian Warrior Cat"

"What's the difference? It's a cat" grumbled Rigsby.

"Duality" Jane replied, "Yes, unquestionably the duality"

"So when does the undercover operation begin?" he said snapping out of his revere and rubbing his hands together eagerly.

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What did he mean?! What did he mean?! Is she an Egyptian Warrior Cat?

No I don't think so! He's getting at something but what is it?.... Im not telling *Mwahahahahaha!*

Youz stillz lovez mez right?

Talk to me peoplez tell me what you think and if i need something more in the story!


	5. Bastet

Futzy Futzy Bunnies…Futzy is my new word ^_^

Again I apologize for the wait this time it was 3 essays and a 8 page term paper and guess what I've only got one essay left and 8 pages of the term paper left lol

Okay here goes!!!

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"So… are you ever going to give in and tell us what Lisbon's animal is?" Grace inquired as they watched the camera feed from Lisbon's necklace.

"She is polymorphous," Jane replied.

"What does that mean?" Rigsby asked

"It means he doesn't have an animal for Lisbon." Cho said with a smirk.

"Yes and no." replied Jane.

"You see Lisbon is multifaceted with contradictory insights and emotions-"

"Jane" barked a very familiar voice "I can hear you" Lisbon hissed

"I suggest you stop talking to yourself Lisbon, people are bound to think that it's strange…or perhaps they will assume you are drunk," satisfied that he had probably made her blush Jane continued, "Now where was I?"

"Duality, multifaceted, contradictory insights" Rigsby rattled off

"Ah yes. She is Bast or Bastet depending on your preference."

"What?" Rigsby and Grace asked.

"He just called Lisbon a Goddess" Cho deadpanned.

"You would" smirked Rigsby, "Not that you aren't Boss." He retracted quickly.

"You're dead Jane so dead" Lisbon muttered darkly and blushed a fierce red.

"See! She's says one thing but means another." Jane burst out with a fierce grin.

"I really don't think that threat translated into 'Thank you Jane' " warned Grace.

"My 3 o'clock," Lisbon reported urgently interrupting the conversation, "Man with the Doir watch and stripped tie."

"Got him boss" Cho said pointing the man out on the screen to the rest of team.

"Move into position" Lisbon growled lowly as she focused on the target.

The team bolted from the surveillance room to fall into position.

"Jane!" Lisbon barked and Jane froze in the doorway, "Stay!" she commanded.

He was slightly amazed that she predicted his movements and for the moment he was content to follow orders and watch the action play out on the laptop screen.

"Rigsby status," murmured Lisbon as she cautiously followed the suspect.

"By the back exit, Boss" Rigsby replied.

"Ready to cut off the suspect if he heads towards the bar" chimed Van Pelt.

"At your six, Boss" Cho rumbled.

"Hold your positions. Cho and I will approach the suspect." Lisbon ordered.

Jane slipped from the room, something on the laptop screen had caught his attention and it needed his expertise.

Jane stole through the crowd passing near a barefoot Lisbon holding her gun and badge and not for the first time that night Jane wondered where in the world Lisbon had hidden her badge let alone her gun while wearing that dress. It was one magic trick he didn't know the mechanics of and he made a note to ask her after he caught the other man.

"CBI! FREEZE!" Cho's voice boomed through the building.

Screams and a loud thump echoed through the room, Jane had a feeling it was Lisbon who had sacked the suspect when he had bolted. Jane grinned as he pushed his way through the gathering crowd and contemplated the best opportunity to commandeer a copy of the surveillance tape to watch her execute _that_ move in _that_ dress.

* * *

Things hadn't gone quite as Jane planned. He had known there was a possibility that he would become a hostage but it had been such a small percentage that it hadn't mattered.

Lisbon was definitely pissed, continuously shooting him dirty looks as she tried to talk down the suspect's partner in crime.

"Did you know," began Jane hoping to distract his captor, "That the name Bast literally means devourer? Bast was the name of an Egyptian goddess. She was seen as the protector goddess and was depicted as a fierce lioness." He grinned at the accomplice holding the gun to his head, "Her qualities reminded me of you, Lisbon."

Lisbon and the suspect looked at him in disbelief.

"Is he crazy?" the man asked Lisbon.

"Yes" she growled.

Jane continued ignoring the exchange, "Her expressed qualities are those of the feline race. She possessed beauty of movement and agility which I'm sure you demonstrated when you took down Cassidy a few moments ago." Jane said with a grin in Lisbon's direction then turned towards his captor, "Did you know that she caught your partner in crime?" The man paled and Jane continued, "He's going to confess and pin everything on you and he's going to get a pretty good deal out of it too." The man cursed.

"Jane" Lisbon said in warning, she really didn't want this guy to know he was in a deeper hole than he realized, it would make him ten times more unpredictable. Lisbon didn't need unpredictable with Jane being held at gun point. But Jane, in true Jane fashion, ignored her warning and continued, "Cassidy definitely doesn't have any fidelity like Bast or Agent Lisbon over there." He said jerking his head towards Lisbon, "Lisbon can be very reliable when it comes to providing deals to _helpful_ criminals."

The man loosened his grip on Jane and Risgby and Cho immediately swooped in, having come up behind Cassidy's accomplice while Jane babbled. The accomplice was read his rights and Jane was lectured by a fuming Lisbon.

"I told you to stay" she growled.

"I am not a dog, Lisbon" he said replied with a smirk.

"No, you're a stubborn jackass," she shot back with a withering glare.

Lisbon rubbed her face and ran her hand through her wild suspect sacking tangled hair, "It would have been nice if you'd told us the accomplice was here."

"I did" he countered.

"Hearing 'Hey aren't you Cassidy's accomplice?' over the com is not informing me. And I know you didn't just happen to bump into him especially when I specifically told you to stay in the room for as much as you like disobeying my orders you only do it when you get something out of it which leads me to concluded that you knew he was here. Next time give us a heads up so you're not being held at gun point" she reasoned

"Meh. You were busy" Jane replied with a shrug.

Lisbon sighed in exasperation and rolled her eyes.

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Lisbon walked out of the interrogation room with a tired satisfied smile. The murdering S.O.B.'s had ratted one another out and where going to jail for a very long time.

Jane followed her and chattered, "You know, Bast was-" Lisbon groaned and Jane ignored her, "also called 'Lady of the Truth' I think that fits you and your job description quite accurately, Lisbon."

Lisbon blinked in surprise and looked at him suspiciously searching for some insult in that compliment, Jane's compliments tended to be double edged swords. Finding none, she raised her eyebrow in enquiry and Jane grinned, "Pity you're not still wearing that dress. Where _did_ you hide your gun and badge?"

Lisbon just walked away from him giving him a mysterious smirk, "Wouldn't you like to know"

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*giggles multiplied by 20*

Okay review it!!!! Even a simple smiley face will do :) see how easy that was?

Suggestions on what you think Jane's animal should be are welcome


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